Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
