the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
