He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
