can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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