I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
