I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
