woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Sacagawea was the original milf.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
