i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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