My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
