this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
