Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
