My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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