Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
