I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
