Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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