I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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