garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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