Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
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Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
