i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
