Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
