highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
