I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
