So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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