...so i touched it.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
