So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
