Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
