I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
