I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
