my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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