NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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