Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
