marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
