You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
