u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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