allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
