So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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