I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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