u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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