last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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