Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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