I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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