Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize