a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
As shirtless as possible
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize