okay pat passed out under dana's car
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
