connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
