Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
