So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
