Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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