I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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