I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
