I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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