i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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