Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
