So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
