we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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