she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
