my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
