What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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