There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize