I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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