i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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