I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
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