My room smells like vodka and shame
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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