omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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