May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
