While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
