I'm eating all of the evidence.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
