So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
