My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
